Posted by Gore Vital—not (but Gorgeous is)
Many of you have had suspicion that underlying my zealousness for healthcare reform there’s a hidden agenda, and you guessed right: It’s a first step toward an aesthetic overhaul of the healthcare system. (wink wink: think pink)

I want all those drab and ghastly hospitals redone. There’s no reason why they have to be so DEPRESSING! Down with those Reagan-era pastel wallpapers! Bring in Michelle O’s bright hues! Then again, I sometimes yearn for that good ol' fashioned missionary style—I mean white, white, and more white. Very Audrey in "The Nun's Story."

Martha, please introduce a signature hospital-linen line. All you star architects and green builders, please apply your genius to everything from ward layout to natural ventilation (I hate hospital air-conditioning) and—why not?—bedpans (like those recycled-plastic ergonomic toilet brushes you did for Target, so cool!).

Full disclosure: My cousin is an interior designer (sigh! the gene does run in the family). He's designed many a swellegant restaurants and hotels. His niche is what the industry calls “hospitality.” Get it? HOSPITAL-ity! Not just more jobs for designers, the tastemakers of the world (wink wink again), but a whole new manufacturing sector may be created to absorb all those unemployed health insurance execs and their Wall Street bedfellows. I’m thinking of handmade Amish and Shaker chic—give them some REAL work!

And speaking of the Amish, some of you already know I’m an admirer of “plain suits” (as fashion statement, of course). So, even though I didn’t want to go there, I am going to: healthcare providers need a serious makeover. I know they want to put nurses in “cheerful” colors, but why prints that are only fit for babies’ bibs? Bring in Michael Kors. And, for the men, the always classic but form-fitting Ralph Lauren. Or the ideal (let me take a deep breath)—Amish meets Armani!

OK, if we redecorate and do fashion makeovers, why stop there? Tell me the truth: who among us enjoy hospital food? The First Lady plants veggies in her backyard and is an advocate for healthy diets. Why don’t we ask her to redesign the menu? Bring in the ultimate Berkeley better-than-thou liberal Alice-the-Great Waters as the new Food Tzar. If these two have their say, we can be sure those Gehry-designed dinner trays, matched with Martha's napkins, served by smart-suited lads, will have on them Obama’s favorite—arugula. How gay-friendly is that?